Objects of my life: my journey with glasses

I was prescribed glasses in first grade because I would strain my eyes trying to read in the dark past my bedtime, which is probably the lamest reason to need glasses ever. From the moment I received my first pair of red-rimmed glasses, wearing them became one of my biggest insecurities. At first, I would refuse to wear my glasses at school, even though it meant spending the whole day squinting at the whiteboard, but I eventually realized just how much I needed glasses and pushed my insecurity aside.

In second grade, I had begun to accept myself with glasses, though I would still go without them whenever possible. However, this changed about halfway through the school year. Our class had done a project during the holiday season called “warm and fuzzies,” where everyone would write compliments for their classmates. In the midst of all the kind compliments in my warm fuzzies box, I saw an anonymous note that read: “I liked you better without glasses.” It really wasn’t that bad at all, but it is safe to say that I was emotionally devastated. To make things worse, the handwriting of the note matched the handwriting of the boy I had a crush on. After reading that note, glasses felt even worse. There’s a page in my diary from around this time where I sprawled in big letters: “I HATE MY GLASSES!!! I FEEL LIKE AN ALIEN!!!”

In third grade, I received a new pair of glasses that I considered to be the ugliest thing on the planet. However, this was during my “not-like-other-girls” phase, so of course, it didn’t really matter that I thought they were ugly since I totally didn’t care about what I looked like. Despite my utter revulsion to this new pair, it would go against my “principles” to not wear them just because they didn’t look good. In fact, I thought it made me even more different from the other girls! Quirky, right? So, despite how much I hated these glasses, I felt a conviction to wear them to school–though again, I would try to avoid wearing them whenever I could.

This pair lasted me through both third and fourth grade, but when my prescription changed in fifth grade, I jumped at the chance to get “cuter” glasses. Still, though, I never really felt pretty when I was wearing glasses, and would take them off for photos. From fifth grade through subbie year, I went through three or four pairs of glasses, all in different styles, but I wasn’t satisfied with any of them. Although I thought that all of my friends with glasses looked really good in theirs, no matter what kind of glasses I wore, I never felt like they fit my face. 

Now I wear contacts, and although I am much more confident in myself now than I was before, I still struggle with wearing glasses out in public; my self-confidence unfortunately lowers drastically every time I put on my spare pair. Even when my shipment of new contact lenses hadn’t come in yet, I chose to wear my last contact lens pair longer than prescribed rather than wear glasses to school, putting the health of my eyes aside just so I wouldn’t have to wear glasses again. I really wish I wasn’t so insecure about wearing glasses; everyone I know who wears glasses looks good in them, but my self-insecurity and distorted perception of my appearance holds me back. I hope I will be able to confidently wear glasses in public in the future--I think my inner child would be really proud.