Esther Upside Down: Joan Gilling in The Bell Jar

Throughout the novel, different characters serve as Esther's mirrors--representations of herself if she followed different paths. There is Doreen, the rebellious, unbothered, and sharp "femme fatale;" Betsy, the sweet, docile representation of what Esther would become if she conformed to the traditional role of women in society; Jay Cee, the stereotypical image of the successful woman; and even Dodo Conway, the picture of American motherhood. However, of all of these figures, Joan Gilling is perhaps the most important mirror of all--and the most puzzling. 

Joan is specifically referred to by Esther herself as Esther's "shadow" or "double." The two were from the same hometown, went to the same church, and came to the same college. They were both academic overachievers and were involved with Buddy Willard. However, Joan's relationship with Esther is far more eerie than just this series of coincidences--Joan has a strange and deep fascination with Esther. She saves clippings of Esther from the newspaper, but her fascination takes an extremely dark turn when she described how Esther served as an "inspiration" for her to attempt suicide. Joan is even implied to be romantically or sexually attracted to Esther. 

However, Esther's feelings for Joan swing between strange kinship and gross repulsion. Esther sees and acknowledges the obvious connection between the two, but is constantly repulsed by Joan's appearance and behavior. At the start of their relationship, Esther feels jealous of her reflection counterpart, thinking to herself that "Joan was the beaming double of my old best self, specially designed to follow and torment me" (205). As Joan progresses through the "levels" of the women's hospital, Esther envies the way that Joan represents the success of her past self through college. However, as their "friendship" continues, Esther feels less envy and more disgust. She begins to think of Joan as the "negative" image of herself, describing Joan's thoughts and feelings as "a wry, black image of my own" (219). 

The portrayal and symbolism of Joan in the novel puzzles me as to what purpose she serves. I personally believe that she represents the physical manifestation of Esther's mental illness, or the mirror showing what Esther would become if the "bell jar" was never lifted. This idea was supported by the ending of the novel in Joan's death by suicide, which seemed to be the final step in Esther's freedom from the bell jar. Esther thinks to herself during Joan's funeral, "I wondered what I thought I was burying" (225). It seemed to me that the death of the Esther's "negative image" also represented the (perhaps temporary) death of her sickness. As seen through the "I am, I am, I am" thumped by Esther's heart as she stands by Joan's grave, Joan's death is what solidifies the certainty of Esther's life. This stays in tune with the "twisted" nature of their relationship. 

However, I can see that there are likely many different ideas of what Joan represents in The Bell Jar. For one, since the novel is mostly autobiographical, she could represent a specific figure in Plath's life. Moreover, once it was brought up that Joan might not even be real, that made me reconsider my initial analysis of Joan's character. Even Esther doubts if Joan is a real person or just someone she made up in her head. However, despite the questionable validity of her existence, she played an important role in Esther's development in The Bell Jar, and their twisted friendship was one of the most interesting aspects of the novel.